email to the house, 5 august

Glenn came into the room tonight carrying clean laundry. "Would it be unusual to, like, have a squirrel in your house?" Apparently he accidentally scared off an unidentified scurrying object which skittered down the hall with more energy than our cats can muster. In honor of this exotic incident, I thought I'd post an email I sent in August. This has been a reoccuring battle, to BJ's dismay.

So this morning I chased a squirrel out a few times. The weird thing was he seemed to have paper in his mouth.

I said to him, "Squirrel, is THAT what you'e risking a trip into our house for? Get the fuck outta here you knucklehead." Admiring my guidance counseling, he zig-zagged over to the heater then agreeably leapt out the window where the fan is.

I went down the hall but a few moments later heard some rustling in the common room again. Walkin down the hall, I spotted no Haymarketeer in the social area... but zeroed in on the squirrel, who was (I kid you not) squeezed next to the board games beside the orange couch and tearing off Sesame Street wrapping paper with its paws and mouth. "All right you little bugger! Get OUT!" And I chased him out the window. He dropped his crumble of gift paper so I threw it out the window after him (I'm not being cheap about the paper, just enforcing the no-squirrels policy). He paused and looked at the paper with curiousity, but decided not to fetch it and bounced off.

I turned the fan on high, so the engine and noise would scare off squirrelly scavengers, and came to alert y'all via email. I made it to the second paragaph before I had to chase the creature out of the room AGAIN.

The squirrel can get in even if the window is open an inch. Please close the windows when you are not in the room.

Thank you,

The Squirrel Sheriff

Even vegetarians don't appreciate rodent invasion (Horton was a housemate):
the Rat Hunters last winter.