kate's story

When I was in sixth grade I had this really good-looking boyfriend. He was Italian, named Rafael, and for our age he had really amazing dress sense.

We had been going out for three weeks - which was an incredibly long time of course - when I approached him before play rehearsal and asked him to go to the deli. That was what we did, we always went to the deli.

He leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and said, "I hereby dumpeth you."

Then with no explanation, he walked away. Almost immediately we had play rehearsal, so then he had his arm around me in character and all I could think was that the jerk had just DUMPED me.

My best friend told me that he had PLANNED to come up to me, give me a long full kiss and then ask, "Did you like that?" And when I said yes, he'd say, "Well it was your last one. I hereby dumpeth you" but my friend heard and had convinced him that was too mean.

So I got, "I hereby dumpeth you." Awesome.

By high school I found out that stylish good-looking Rafael had come out of the closet -- and that made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.