never discuss masturbation with a woman

I explored downtown festivities solo, and during the bus ride home after midnight, I endured a loud, obnoxious and sexist conversation by several university students about masturbation and how women would never understand it because of crazy female insecurity. Two young kids were sitting right there the whole time, which made this conversation inappropriately timed, as well as sexist and generally idiotic. Plus their specific complaint about "One must never broach the question of masturbation with one's girlfriend" was pretty ludicrous, considering with fair certainty these particular guys had a high ratio of handjive compared to breathing female dates.

As I left the bus, one of the group stepped off to the side to allow me to squeeze out of the back bus door. I thanked him, then said, "Hey..." and delivered my insight.

"Here is your enlightenment for the day. Not all women are insecure, and not all women are averse to masturbation - we just don't discuss it in front of community children. In fact I had it on the agenda tonight until a sexist conversation completely dampened my desire to touch myself. (pause, smile, touch the brim of my hat in farewell salute) Spread the word."

And as he stuttered "O-o-okay," I sashayed off on the midnight winds of the cheap-but-effective rhetorical approach of getting in the last word.